Friday, April 25, 2008

Teenagers - *sigh*

This is my oldest daughter, Kelly. She just turned 14 years old. Isn't she beautiful? Ahhh, I remember being a teenager and thinking I knew everything. It's a hard job being a teenager. You have to worry about who your friends are, if they are the right friends, what your going to wear and if it's in style. All the while trying to find your own identity and figuring things out on your own. One thing I have always tried to teach my children is to be their own person. If your friends say your favorite shirt is out of style and you still like it - keep wearing it. There is too much pressure on kids to try and 'fit in'. Trying to make sure they look a certain way, act a certain way, wear certain clothes. Just be your own person. Don't be a puppet.

Kelly struggles with this sometimes, but I think overall she does pretty good. She never gets in trouble and every year she has perfect attendance for the school year. Sometimes I have trouble with her doing her chores, but I think that's just kid-dizziness-stuff. However, her grades had been dropping and the last 9 weeks I had grounded her until I seen some improvement. She was heartbroken cause she was invited to go to this indoor swimming park with her best friend. "It's a chance in a lifetime, Mom!" <---- Those were her words after I told her she wouldn't be going.


We had a long argument yelling match talk over the fact that this was her chance in a lifetime. She won't have another chance to do this part of her life over again if she gets on the wrong track or starts slacking off. She will be entering high school next year and that's when her grades will really start to matter.

Of course she thinks I am the meanest mom in the world and she hates me. That being said, she still isn't going to the indoor water park, and that didn't go over too well with her.

As I was talking to my brother later that night, wondering if I was being too strict or if I was doing the right thing, he gave me some words of .... wisdom?

Remember, if your kids hate you, your doing a good job.


Fashion Paramedic said...

I just found your blog via "5 minutes for mom" and can't believe that no one commented on this post!! You've SOOOO got it right . . . when my sons are old enough, I'm going to sit down with them to tell them that I am their mother first, then their friend. I've already received the "You're so mean" speech . . . and he's not even five yet! Anyway, good job to you!!

Anonymous said...

Remember this is..."Just my opinion"....and the way we have raised our teens. 14,15 and 19.
I am Mom first and friend second too but....we ground them but if there is an event that was already planned we dont take that away. And we dont take away birthday parties...they are "once in a lifetime". We do on the other hand start the grounding after the "event". Doesnt hurt as bad but gets the point across. Trust me there will be other things that come up. I dont think the objective is for our kids to hate us. Just to learn a lesson.
You make a commitment to go somewhere and dont honor it then thats not a good my opinion. Just like going to make a commitment and dont show up for any reason then thats bad on your part.
Just wanted to show you a different view... :o) Hope I didnt offend you. I have plenty of friends that do it your way. My best friend for one. lol
I love your blog by the way!!

One Mom, Five Kids said...

Anonymous - I understand what your saying - it's like a catch 22. You don't want to send them the message that it's okay to cancel appointments and go back on something they committed themselves to, either.

However, her grades had been dropping since the 9 weeks before and I gave her plenty of time to get them up and she didn't do it. So in a way she knew this was coming and knew she was going to be grounded. Now last weekend she had a choir concert contest (which she won 1st place in!!) and afterwards they were going to Kings Island. I did let her go to that because it was a school activity. I just don't think the birthday party was a drastic enough occasion to renege on what I said previously - that if she didn't get her grades up she would be grounded.

And no - you didn't offend me at all. They didn't give us parents a handbook - like I KNOW they gave all the kids a handbook, 'How to drive your parents crazy.' (That was a joke.)

Also, my brother was joking and I was joking what I posted, about the kids hating me. No, I don't want my kids to hate me, and I know they don't hate me. But they get angry when they don't get their way - I was just speaking for those times.

Thanks for the comment and complements!

KELLY!!! said...