I've been MIA

So, it's been awhile since I've written here, but I have (kind of) a good excuse.

Welcome to my madness.

Part of the reason was I went on a vacation. I mean a real vacation. As many of my readers know, us stay at home mom's never get the real vacation and time off we deserve. I've often said in the past I was going to take a day off and do absolutely nothing at all - but ya know, it never happens that way. There are still meals to be cooked, laundry to be done, someone always needing or wanting something. Why even dream of a day off?

The past month I had been very stressed. In attempt to get things ready for the busy summer I've been desperately trying to get my household in a certain order in hopes the summer would go smoothly. It seemed like a loosing battle. No matter how much I thought I had accomplished at the days end - my To Do List seemed to be twice as long. How can that be? You know how it is - the more laundry you wash the more laundry you have to do. Or something like that.

I was desperate to have everything caught up and organized - all at the same time. I thought if I could just get everything done - things would go smoother - easier. Even when I started staying up way past my bed time and getting up earlier - the more I worked the more needed to be done. It was almost like I was trapped in some crazy tornado - doomed forever to never ending laundry, multiplying coupons and dirty floors.

On April 4th was my oldest daughters (15th) birthday and she had gotten the Twilight movie from her grandparents - in which she made me watch with her. Before hand, I knew nothing about this movie - except that everyone, including my daughter - was crazy about it. I purposelessly try to stay away from the current fads - they drive me bonkers. So, much to my surprise, while watching the movie with my daughter, I was a little intrigued. It reminded me of a recent documentary I watched about a lion who befriends an antelope. It was very interesting - the documentary that is. For her birthday I had ordered her the Twilight Gift Set - all four books. She instantly began re-reading them and I mentioned to her that once she was done I might be interested in reading them. Now, I love reading, but it's not an activity I participate in often. I tend to get a bit obsessive when I start to read a book. It's enough to drive me insane along with anyone around me. I never understood how people could just read an hour a day or right before bed time. The 'need to know' with me is so great - I find it very difficult to minimize my reading - which becomes obsessive - which is why I don't read books very often.

So, anyways, my daughter bought down the first book of the series and laid it on my desk for me to read. It laid there for nearly a month. I picked it up a few times and thought about reading but then my To Do List started yelling at me so I put it back down. Then last Saturday, about midnight - past my bedtime - the mood struck. I picked up that book and started reading - and I didn't stop - until WAY past my bedtime. This was the beginning of my vacation because for the past week I had done nothing but read. I finished with Twilight and instantly picked up the next one in the series. I would read all day long, first thing in the morning - until lunch. During babies nap time - to dinner. After all the kids were in bed - to WAY past Mommy's bed time - I would read. After a few days my body was achy and stiff. But I kid you not - I did NOTHING but read that dang Twilight Series for a whole week - almost exactly. To let you know how much reading I did, I started on Saturday around midnight and finished the whole 4 book series by the next Saturday around 9 PM. That is over 2,444 pages in a week!

I was lucky my husband was laid off and home - he was so ------ understanding? Supportive? Patient? Or maybe he was just wanting me to hurry up, finish and get this obsession out of my system.

The thing is, I learned something. For the first time, in a very long time, I was doing something for ME! 100% Just Me! I can't remember that last time that happen.

Another thing, I remember thinking a few times during my vacation that I was going to 'pay for this'. When I finished I was going to have Soooo much work to do. But the strange thing was, I didn't. I mean, yes, there was still the house to upkeep and things that needed to be done. But they were the same things as before my vacation. Nothing more. Laundry - yes. Floors - yes. Dusting - yes. To Do List - yes - always. But it was no more or less than usual. And this made me think - if I can go on vacation for week and come back to no more or no less than the usual Mommy Duties - what am I getting so worked up over? It's never going to be all caught up. The To Do List is never going to be satisfied. The laundry is never going to be completely done and the floors and dishes and coupons and anything else is never going to be all done - all at once.

Which makes me wonder why I was striving for this in the first place....

*Sigh*

All I know is right now, I feel better realizing that - it's never going to be all done. Just do what you can each day and stop driving yourself bonkers.